Sunday, 17 July 2016

Thoughts on Online Hatred & Giving Feedback



I've got my first share of it. Thanks to the "you're so fake" comments on my Youtube channel, I've been really thinking about online manners and how I could understand comments like that, or even more importantly, the people who comment things like that. Although the comment is totally unworthy and there's not much to work on there, I think there must be some sort of a thought behind it, probably even something really deep and problematic. If nothing else, it made me think and want to write about it.

I'm a true believer in positive vibes. What you give, you get back. I always try to see the bright side of everything however this doesn't mean I don't have problems in my life. But it makes getting over problems a lot easier. It also means that I try to understand different people and see why they make various solutions in life, which I might not have made. It makes life rich, understanding different aspects of life. I don't always agree, but understanding is the keyword here.

So how could I understand somebody who without proper feedback comments something nasty? Why should I even do so? 

It's true I probably shouldn't give comments like that another thought with it being so pointless. I have a couple of reasons why I know it's pointless: let's pretend I was fake and somebody actually thought so. First of all that's alright, we're all free to have our own opinions. Secondly if it bothered them that much, they'd probably just go away from my channel or blog. Thirdly if they wanted to actually change that, they should help me do so and maybe give a couple of tips why they think I'm fake and how I should change it. 

Usually anybody who bullies or, as in this case, leaves nasty comments, is the one with the problems. They might not bring it out and you might not be able to notice it (especially online). They usually need a person or place to unburden their problems and unfortunately do it the wrong way. And that's exactly the reason I want to understand those comments. They're not targeted to you and they only tell that some person somewhere isn't very happy with their own life. You shouldn't take those comments to heart, you should feel sorry for the person commenting them.



Giving constructive criticism is truly a skill, which needs to be learned and which can be practiced. I think the most efficient way to do so and make people actually change what they're doing is to mix nice and negative together. People are a lot more responsive to feedback when they hear they've succeeded in something or that they're good at what they're doing, but that they'd be even better if they changed something. I bet we can all relate to this whether you think of feedback from your boss, friends or anonymous people of the internet. In the end we're all different and nobody is perfect, however you can always find something positive in every situation and especially in every person.

My tip for anybody who receives feedback (all of us I guess) is to listen to it but also question it. If it feels wrong and like nonsense, that's because it probably is. There's a difference between negative and bad feedback! And if you feel like you don't understand where it's coming from, you can always ask what the feedback actually means. Good quality feedback then again is something we all should receive gladly and learn from it.

How do you like to receive feedback?

I'm still on holiday, but will get back to you asap my lovelies <3
Emma xxx



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15 comments

  1. it upsets me that anyone would leave any negative comments like that on someone page! it's just so sad :( I don't get why anyone would want to? No idea! I think you are fab, and haters gonna hate I say!

    Erin || MakeErinOver

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    1. Me neither! I just don't get the point. What kind of a person gets satisfaction out of leaving mean comments?! Thanks Erin for the lovely comments <3 you're the best! xxx

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  2. This is such a shame to hear. I feel like if you've been engaged in the online world long enough, those "haters" will take notice and do their thing. And even though those words they've written, whether they're actually truthful or not, shouldn't bother us. US. We're in this together, love! I haven't experienced any sort of hate on the internet, which I am very happy for, but I'll be sure to take care of it in a way so that it won't bother me. After all, the online world isn't REAL life. xxx

    Kyia at WANDERLUSTGIRL// lifestyle & beauty
    Follow me at via BLOGLOVIN

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    Replies
    1. Thanks lovely <3 i love the idea of having a group of support over here <3 xxx

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  3. I absolutely adoreeeeee this post! It's so true, spreading positive vibes is so important, who needs to hate when you can love? and if you truly dont like something or someone then just dont have anything to do with them it's not that hard! It can be the same in day to day offline situations to, such as people who constantly bitch and gossip about other people, which I think is really sad :( why do people feel the need to talk about other people nagatively when they can be doing things to benefit themselves or others positively? Mini rant cut off now ahah great post xx
    www.rosieauthorwriting.blogspot.com

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  4. It makes me really sad that this is still something going on but thank you for sharing your thoughts! It takes a lot of courage to combat that negativity and you should be very proud os standing up for yourself!

    xo, Skylar
    www.styledbyskylar.com

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  5. I never understood why people are so mean, whether in person or online. I still don't, but I also understand your post and why it's important. This is definitely a message that needs to be shared! :)

    -Sophie xx || Cherries and Perfume

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  6. Maybe they're just jealous and wonder how someone like you can be so beautiful and genuinely sweet and kind! This is why I'm afraid to go onto YouTube or promote my blog. I had a personal tumblr (in addition to this blog) for a few years, and I would rant about my personal issues thinking no one would call me out, until I got an anonymous message saying I was whiny, superficial, self-absorbed, my personality turns others off, why do I care so much about physical appearance (they say I should focus more on how I treat others and my work, which I DO), and that they get schadenfreude (pleasure in other peoples' pain) by reading my posts. I felt horrible and stopped, but I remember influencing so many people in a positive way and talking about my struggles with a medical condition and ability to achieve my goals because of them...I don't know why people can be so horrible. Please keep doing what you're doing!

    Hannah
    Floraful

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  7. I always try and see feedback as a gift, but only if it is specific and holds true value. The negative feedback you received is just uncalled for, which is not a gift, but in fact is just words to make you stronger.
    Unfortunately in the age where we are so able to express ourselves on a global platform it also allows those with ill intent to do so also.
    Here's some personal feedback from me:
    Emma, you are a beautiful woman who puts all of yourself into your blog and your videos. What you have to say matters and inspires me to use my voice and allow others to see me. Keep doing what your doing darling, don't ever stop :)

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  8. It is so hard when people give purely negative comments on things that you've worked on. While people with ill-intent are around, so are the people who will give you positive feedback and who love you. It is important to keep doing what you love for the positives.

    I personally tend to take any feedback I get as instantly true, which, as you can imagine can land me in some pretty low places when things get negative. I'm working on combating this.

    Thank you for sharing such an honest and open post :) This takes a lot of courage.

    Alice | Whiskey Jars Blog

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  9. I have only once received a negative comment on You Tube so far, and it wasn't on one of my videos, but on a comment I left somewhere else. And even though I knew all the things you said it still got to me, much more than it should have.
    Constructive criticism isn't easy to take, at least not for me, even though I appreciate someone taking the time to help me improve. But hateful or plain destructive comments are even worse.

    Linda, Libra, Loca: Beauty, Baby and Backpacking

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  10. Awh I'm so sorry to hear you have had negative feedback! That's so horrible, you're too lovely for that! Just take no notice.

    Laura | www.dramaqueenconfessions.com

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  11. I get a fair amount of negative feedback, and found that the best way of dealing with it is just to ignore it, and not respond or change anything. Chances are that you've hit the negative feedbacker somewhere they feel insecure about, so it's their problem to deal with.

    Constructive criticism comes best in the form of a question for me, because it seems less opinionated than someone telling you outright that they don't like something. Have you thought about this? Means that you can creatively act on the criticism your own way :)

    Gem x

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  12. What, how could anyone call you fake?? That's so ridiculous!! People are just jealous because you're beautiful, sweet, kind and totally fab, hun! I always say, if someone hates on you it's clearly because they want something you have... So don't let them get to you darling!!!!! <3 <3

    Kay
    http://www.shoesandglitter.com/

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  13. This is such an important post & I really enjoyed your thoughts on the subject, sweetie. The fact that you got a comment saying "you're so fake" shows this is the opposite to constructive criticism. Not only the person didn't word it nicely at all but also it is 100% trolling aka not aimed at you personally (they have no clue whatsoever how incredible you are + they never took time to watch all of your videos, read your posts, connect with you). It's very sad when people create a shady account and go abuse whoever they wish knowing they can get away with it. Very sad for them. It's not easy for those of us who aren't thick-skinned. While someone can brush it off easily, others can get very hurt and insecure based on those comments (that are so not true). That is one of the main reasons why I am holding off to create a YT channel. I have many ideas and can almost envision my content but I am not sure I am ready for all the negativity that comes with it. I haven't really come across any "hate" on the blog yet. Only a few weird emails (in one of them the person was complaining about my pinned post on Twitter - so random haha) + one or two comments criticizing my thoughts having twisted them a little bit (or let's be honest, they haven't even read what I was saying). I appreciate criticism but it has to be delivered in a loving way if a person really cares about you.
    Nevertheless, you have absolutely nothing to worry about hon. You're an amazing person, inside & out (I really really mean that!) and both your YT & blog content ROCK. Love ya babes <3 <3 <3
    xoxox Nadia
    www.mielandmint.com

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Thanks for commenting and have a lovely day<3 xxx

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